What do you see when you see me

When I look in the mirror I see a sad,scared, broken, abused little girl.
I see someone that wishes she could turn back the hands of time but isn't quite sure where she would go back to.

The girl in the mirror knows what its like to be afraid when her father was coming home. She knows what its like to taste soap when she talked back to her mother. She knows what it feels like to have mice in the house, lose everything she owned in a flood and wish her parents would get a divorce because she was tired of the fighting. She knows what it feels like to not have the electricity on, hot water running or dinner at night. The little girl grew up too fast when the house she grew up in was taken away. She knows what its like to watch her father cry and know it was all a lie.

The young lady she became was cold, she began to lose people that she loved. People moved away, people died, people lost touch. She never had anyone stick around. She began to compromise herself to make others around her happy. She never worried what it was doing to her as long as everyone else was happy. She missed out on things while she baby-sat at home. She bought things for people to keep them around, even if she was not wanted. She changed and did things so that others would like her and through it she lost herself.

The adult woman was hurt by anyone she trusted, her father, her uncle,her boyfriend. She began to question herself and wonder what she had done to deserve this. She bent over backward to make her boyfriend happy he repaid her by physically and sexually abusing her and she was so brainwashed she kept going back for more not wanting to lose him.

When that failed her she became a work-a-holic, constantly working and never getting any credit for all that she did. She continued to try to make boys happy by taking them places and buying them things, never receiving anything in return but hurt and betrayal. She was used as the other woman, sometimes the other woman wasn't even a woman at all but instead she was represented by drugs or alcohol always putting this poor girl second. When she cried she was told she was a drama queen, she was depressing, she should grow up, but she was grown up and no one wanted to listen or treat her as she should be treated.

This girl in the mirror is sad, she has lost herself trying to make others happy.
This girl in the mirror is scared, she doesn't know if she can feel happiness and love.
This girl in the mirror is broken, she has lost the drive and motivation to become something.
This girl in the mirror is abused, she feels she has no one to talk to and continues to beat herself up.

That is what I see when I look at me.